i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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