I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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