he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
