...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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