Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
