Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
