I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
