You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
