My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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