Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
