so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
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just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
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i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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