she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
They took my balls.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Randomize
