He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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