Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
