my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
