it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
