my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
