it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I fill condoms, not promises.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
