people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
