Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
