Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
