i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
