just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
