mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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