took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
