Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize