I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
