do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
