I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
