Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
