I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
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I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
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I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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