he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
