Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
