Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
