If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
