i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
