God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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