the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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