I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
