just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
