If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
