i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
