I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
