In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My dick has a subreddit
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
