the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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