She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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