also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She bit a glass in half.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
