i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You have to summon your inner elephant
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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