just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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