remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
