i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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