I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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