You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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