Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I forget how to act sober
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
