She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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