She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
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Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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