So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
