well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
