every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
