Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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