my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
