I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's blow job season.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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