gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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