Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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