What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
