By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
True college students do jello shots in the library
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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